Forever
by reenas-as
Summary: Sesshoumaru is a little conflicted, so he decides to try an experiment and it backfires... big time, nearly seperating him from Rin forever. SR pairing, a bit angsty but with a happy ending...
1. The Fateful Experiment

A/N: Okay, my first Inuyasha fic so be nice. It's SesshoumaruRin. IF you don't like it, please don't read, beacsue I don't want to be murdered for the pairing! I just couldn't get the story out of my head, so here it is. THis is chapter one of five and I think I'll be posting them all this week... fastest posting ever for me. But it's my birthday present to Sanela! Enjoy girl!

**Forever**

CHAPTER 1: The Fateful Experiment

Sesshoumaru looked up as a loud noise sounded from the clearing a short ways away. He absently wondered what Jaken had done to upset Rin this time. He glanced at the sun, well on its way toward setting. The toad demon was probably interrupting her dinner preparations. He shook his head, but made no move to rise. They would live. Or, at least, Rin would. Jaken… now that was another matter entirely. But it mattered little to him.

He returned to his contemplation of the Tenseiga. A sword that could save up to one hundred lives in a single stroke. That was what Toutousai has said.

… Why?

Why had his father commissioned such a sword?

His father had been the great lord of the western lands. He was powerful, almost invincible. A demon envied by all.

So why?

Sesshoumaru ran the claws of his newly reattached left arm over the blade. He rarely unsheathed it, but today it had seemed to call to him.

_Who was he really? _

In his mind his father had been a distant, powerful figure. Strong, brave, in control. In his mind he had made his father in the image of himself. But what if that was not who his father had been?

What if one could be powerful and in control, and even respected… and not be cold and aloof.

A memory from his childhood surfaced. It was of his father, laughing as he spun a young Sesshoumaru around until they collapsed on the ground together.

Sesshoumaru couldn't remember the last time he had laughed as an adult.

When had that happened?

When had he decided that only total lack of emotion would serve him as a demon lord? His father obviously hadn't felt that way.

_What foolish thoughts _

He re-sheathed the sword, trying to push his conflicted thoughts aside.

_I must put aside these doubts. My ways have served me well until now. They will continue to do so. _

He heard a soft laugh float above the wind, through the forest.

_Rin _

The name sent his mind spinning down a whole new trail of uncertainties. What had possessed him to save her? A human girl who had nothing to do with him? It was foolhardy and every day he told himself he was going to kill her. Or at least leave her in some village as they passed by.

And yet, it had been ten years now, and Rin was still with him.

That troubled him.

In Sesshoumaru's mind his father had had but one weakness. His fondness for humankind. It had been that that had led to his love for Inuyasha's mother. And Sesshoumaru was convinced that love had led to his ignoble death.

What else could it have been? His father had been a great warrior.

And, he snorted derisively; his younger brother – the half breed mutt – shared that fatal weakness. First allowing himself to love the priestess, who had sealed him, and then the girl from the future – her reincarnation – who had released him.

Did he share that fatal flaw? Was that what had compelled him to save Rin that day? To resurrect her?

Yet, he _felt_ nothing for the girl, save a slight protectiveness.

Was it, then, as he had first said? That the sword had Tenseiga had compelled him to save her? Did it also compel him to keep her with him?

It was an intriguing thought, and one that somewhat quelled the turmoil created by his musings. If it were only the result of the sword…

Then he was safe.

"Lord Sesshoumaru?"

Sesshoumaru looked up at Jaken's call. He almost smirked at the nervousness betrayed in the toad's voice. Instead he speared him with a cold glance.

Jaken shifted uneasily.

Good, let him squirm.

The toad knew he did not like to be interrupted.

After a long moment, which Sesshoumaru suspected was infinitely longer for his servant, Sesshoumaru spoke quietly. "What is it Jaken?"

"I'm sorry my lord, but Rin… Rin wanted me to call you for dinner." Jaken stumbled over his words in his apologetic rush, but he somehow managed to get it all out.

Sesshoumaru nodded, "Very well. You may tell her I will join her shortly."

"Y-yes my lord! Right away!" and the old toad ran clumsily back toward the clearing.

Resigned, Sesshoumaru rose elegantly to his feet and turned toward the clearing.

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"I'll get it." Rin said quickly as Sesshoumaru pushed back from the table, plate in hand. He had finally conceded that it was probably best for Rin if they kept regular eating habits.

He nodded slightly and set it back on the table. She quickly snatched it up and hurried to the basin of water, humming happily.

Sesshoumaru watched her disinterestedly as she bustled about the small house. It was another concession he had made for her. After all, she was no longer a small child, happy to stay out in the open. She was seventeen, a young woman, and she needed some measure of stability and privacy. So he had had this house built. It was small, but she seemed to like it.

His eyes flicked over her once more.

Yes, she was no longer a child. Her head now came nearly to his chin, and she had filled out. He supposed, looking at her from an objective point of view, that she was attractive.

Unbidden his earlier thoughts resurfaced. He was about to push them aside when another thought came to the foreground.

Why not test the concern?

Here, right in front of him, was the perfect way in which to try himself and see if he possessed that fatal weakness shared by both his father and half brother. Why not take advantage of it?

"Rin."

She turned slightly at his cold command. Funny how she never seemed to notice his severity - his austere and disdainful manner. She smiled at him.

"Yes, Lord Sesshoumaru."

"I would like to try an experiment, for which I will require your assistance."

She tilted her head quizzically, but he knew she would not disobey.

"Okay." She set the dish she was drying down and turned to face him straight on.

"No." he held up a hand to stop her as she made as if to move toward him. "Stay there." Better that they stay away from the door. Jaken did not often come into the small building, claiming to detest its human atmosphere, but there was always the off chance…

He came toward her and paused before her. She watched him, clearly wondering what he was about to do, but also clearly with full trust in him. How strange for a human to have such trust in a demon, especially one as heartless as he.

In a single smooth motion he tilted her chin and brought his head down toward hers, pressing his lips to hers in a kiss. He closed his eyes and after a moment he sensed her eyes drift closed as well. She made no other move either towards or against him. But her reaction was unimportant to him. It was his own reaction he was attempting to gauge.

He purposefully brought his senses to focus on the softness of her lips, the scent of her hair, the warmth of her body so close to his.

_Nothing _he thought, and something akin to relief swept through him. _I feel nothing _

He released her, not un-gently, and turned away without even meeting her eyes.

"That was most helpful Rin." He said emotionlessly, stepping away from her, vaguely aware that she looked very confused. A thought occurred to him and he paused. "Rin," he waited until he sensed her full attention was on him. "The next time someone kisses you, you would do well to respond." And then he resumed his exit, walking unhurriedly out the door and back toward his favorite tree.

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The moment he was out of sight Rin slumped against the back wall of the house. Her fingertips brushed her lips lightly.

"Did he… did he _kiss_ me?" she asked the empty room in a hushed whisper. "But – why?"

She didn't know. He had said it was an experiment. An experiment on what? For what purpose? Had he found the answer he was looking for? Whatever his reasons she had discovered nothing but questions. And the most important one of all…

Why was her heart beating so quickly?

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A/N: Please reivew, please _don't_ flame. Thanks!


	2. Rin's Revelation

A/N: I posted this a few minutes ago... wrong! I posted ch2 of Dark Refelection instead! blushes boy do I feel silly. (And, of course, I somehow feel the need to tell the world O.o I'm weird...) moving on...

CHAPTER 2: Rin's Revelation

"Rin." Sesshoumaru stopped as the girl dropped the pitcher she had been holding with a clatter. He raised a brow, watching with curiosity as she picked it up with trembling hands and righted it.

"Y-yes, my lord?" she didn't turn to look him in the eye, he noticed.

His gaze narrowed suspiciously.

"What's wrong?"

Her eyes darted to his and then quickly away once more.

"Nothing. What could possibly be wrong?"

He knew she was lying, he could smell it. And even if he had not been able to, it was obvious in her every movement that something was wrong.

It was almost as though she was afraid of him, except that the scent wasn't quite right.

As much as he hated to admit it, he was a bit puzzled.

Rin had never feared him. Not when she had found him as a child, though, by all rights, she _should_ have been afraid. Especially since her parents had just been killed right before her eyes. Not when she saw him battle his brother. Not when he gave her a command with no logical explanation. Nor when he ignored her entirely. She was never anything but open and completely trusting. Perhaps that was part of why he had kept her. Her attitude intrigued him.

But for the last month Rin had seemed positively terrified to be alone with him.

He knew it must have something to do with her weak human emotions. But he didn't know what had triggered it.

All he knew was that it bothered him, and it was going to stop.

"Deceit is not your forte." He stated.

This brought her gaze back to his face, and her look of utter bewilderment almost undid him, "What?"

"You are a poor liar, Rin." He said quietly. He noticed a strand of hair had fallen across her face and he reached up to move it aside. To his surprise she shied away as though afraid he would strike her. That thought stirred feelings in him that were in no way pleasant.

His eyes narrowed once more and he caught her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"Whatever it is, you will cease this nonsense now." He didn't want her to be afraid of him, though he wasn't quite certain why. There had been times when she was younger that he had wished that, but not many. He supposed it was nice to have someone who obeyed you out of trust and loyalty rather than fear. Yes, that must be it. His eyes softened as he saw her stricken look. He gentled his hold on her face, though he didn't release her entirely. "I have never struck you Rin. Nor do I intend to do so now."

If he had expected this to ease the look on her face he was sorely mistaken. But she did make an attempt at a smile.

"Of course not." She said with forced brightness. "I know that." Their gazes held for a few moments, and Sesshoumaru knew she was hiding something from him. He could see that she knew this as well. But he also saw determination in her eyes, and it suddenly struck him that, for the first time since he had met her, she was not going to give in to him.

"May I finish now, Lord Sesshoumaru?" she asked quietly.

He considered his options. He could not very well force her to tell him, especially after what he had just said about not striking her. And it did appear that her nervousness had left her. So it would seem he had achieved the goal of his original intent. Why push the issue?

He nodded and released her, heading back outside. He paused in the doorway. "I'll be going into a nearby village for the next few days." He told her. "Don't wander too far from the clearing. I'll leave Ah-Un with you in case there is trouble." He said, referring to his two headed dragon horse.

"Alright."

Feeling a bit uncertain he left the house. At least he would have several days away to himself to think.

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Rin had nearly jumped out of her skin when she had heard him come up behind her. She flushed, but doubted he had noticed since she still had her back to him.

The last few weeks had been very awkward for her.

_Why did he kiss me? _

The question still plagued her. It would seem the kiss had meant nothing to him, for he carried on with life as usual. But somehow she found that impossible to do. She wished she had another woman to talk to; someone to explain to her all the things that she was feeling.

She was fairly certain she knew what her problem was. But, having been raised by an all but emotionless male demon for the better part of her life she wasn't sure how to express it.

She was fairly certain she was in love with him though.

And that thought frightened her more than she could understand.

She had never been afraid of him. Not even when they had first met. She should have been, but… she wasn't. It was as though she had somehow known that he would take care of her. It had felt comfortable, and right, to be near him.

But now… when she was near him she had trouble breathing and she felt warm all over. She felt lightheaded and disoriented and her heart raced so fast she sometimes feared it would explode from her chest.

Was it because she was a woman now? Or simply because she had never before been kissed by a man? Somehow she doubted any other man's kiss would have had this affect on her. Not that she had any experience, but her woman's intuition told her that Sesshoumaru was special.

That wasn't what frightened her though.

What she was most afraid of was that he would find out.

He had excellent hearing. To a human all of his senses seemed heightened. Surely he had noticed the change in her, noticed her physical reactions. And, though she, of course, was unable to smell it, she was almost certain there was something in her scent that might tip him off.

What if he found out and he sent her away?

She didn't think she could bear that.

As much as she was afraid, she needed to be near him. Felt somehow that she would die if she was not. Even if he never knew, if he never returned her affections, she needed to be there.

She felt her heart sink as she recalled his last words. He was going to be gone for several days.

He had never left her for so long before. Why was he doing so now?

Her eyes widened in fear as a new thought surfaced.

What if he knew? What if he knew and was so utterly repulsed that he could no longer bear to look at her? What if he was never coming back?

Terrified that he was going to leave her forever she raced out of the house, hoping to catch him and plead with him to stay, or to let her go with him. Surely he would benefit from having her with him on this lengthy trip.

But when she reached the edge of the clearing he was nowhere to be seen. Jaken, it appeared, was gone as well.

Her eyes brimmed with tears and she collapsed to the ground, sobbing.

He had left her.

A short while later she felt something nuzzle her head, and turned to see Ah-Un standing behind her, looking at her sorrowfully. She sniffed and reached up, burying her face in the creature's fur. It just stood there and let her cry.

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Thinking about it now, two days later, Rin was very relieved Sesshoumaru had not been in the clearing when she had come barreling out of the house in that most unladylike manner.

As her tears had abated, so had her fear that he had abandoned her. She now realized that the plea she had intended to make would not only have been rejected, but it would probably have caused the very event she was so fearful of. After all, he had given her no reason to doubt him. What other explanation could she have given for her behavior? What reason other than her irrational fears brought on by her undeniable, and, almost certainly, unreciprocated, infatuation with him.

She sighed as she sat beneath what she secretly thought of as "his" tree. As ridiculous as it sounded it made have feel close to him to sit here. She would, of course, _never_ have sat there while he was there. Wouldn't _that_ be telling? But he had said he would be gone for several days. Rin figured several meant at least three. She wrapped her arms around herself, for a moment imagining that it was Sesshoumaru holding her. And then her eyes snapped wide open and she flushed, feeling completely ridiculous.

It was definitely a good thing Sesshoumaru wasn't there to see her blush like an idiot. She was embarrassed enough without having to try and bluff her way through another interrogation like the one the day he left.

Alright, she had to admit that it wasn't exactly an interrogation. And he _had_ been the one to relent. Which had, quite honestly, surprised her.

But when he had made that remark… 'deceit is not your forte… you are a poor liar, Rin' she had been so certain he had known.

That was the real reason she had backed away from his hand. She had been mortified.

Still, when he had brought his hand up to her face she had had a terrible fear that he was going to kiss her once more, just to prove that he had an effect on her. Ridiculous, because he had given no indication that he knew, or even suspected, her new found feelings for him. The worst part had been that she had _wanted_ him to kiss her again. She had been so afraid he would see it in her eyes.

It was all she could do to keep from throwing herself at him and spoiling everything.

_Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone? _

She shook her head. She knew he wouldn't. For some reason he had never been able to leave her well enough alone. She knew he despised humans. That he had no respect for their lives. They were merely pawns to him. But he had always been different with her. When she was a child he had even allowed her to hug him. She suddenly wondered why that was.

She shook off the thought, certain that her own hopeless fantasies were tingeing her memories, and obscuring her judgment.

He felt nothing for her.

If he had, then surely he would have followed up on that kiss. Surely he would have done more than walk away from her, _critique_ her kissing, and go on with life as if nothing had happened.

No. He felt nothing for her.

Perhaps Jaken had been right all along. Perhaps he had only saved her for the sake of the sword.

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A/N: So? What'd you think? Tell me in a REVIEW!!! more reviews on this than any other first chapter I've ever posted. Probably due to lack of IY stories? That's the only thing I can think of right now...


	3. Sensation

**Forever**

CHAPTER 3: Sensation

Rin had not heard Ah-Un in some time. She wasn't exactly worried, but she had a strange sense of foreboding. Something wasn't quite right.

Wiping her hands on a towel she stood and walked out into the clearing.

"Ah-Un!" she called.

She frowned when she got no response. Ah-Un always came when she called. Even when it was with Lord Sesshoumaru, it would abandon its Lord for her.

"Ah-Un! Come out right now!" she called more loudly this time, stepping farther into the clearing. She checked all of Ah-Un's favorite resting places, but found no sign of the creature.

Suddenly she heard a noise in the forest.

"Ah-Un?" It didn't sound too horribly far away. And it truly did sound very much like Ah-Un.

Perhaps the creature had chased some small animal and not realized how far it had strayed.

She set off toward the noise. At the edge of the clearing she stopped 'don't wander too far from the clearing' Sesshoumaru had warned her.

But she rationalized that she would only be gone a short while, and Ah-Un would be with her for the return trip. Besides, it didn't sound as though the creature was too far off. And he had not instructed her to stay _in _the clearing, just not to wander far from it.

She headed into the forest, but before long she realized that the sounds she heard must have been echoes because they weren't getting any closer.

The forest was growing more dense and darker as well, as the light had trouble breaking through the thicker foliage. Soon she began to hear strange noises, and phantasmagoric shadows flittered along the edges of her vision.

Then, even the sounds of Ah-Un's echoes faded.

A slow, sinking feeling of dread seeped into her, seeming to permeate her entire being. Something was very wrong.

She was torn between turning back and going just a bit further. Something in her urged her to move on and, when she thought she heard Ah-Un much louder now, she obeyed that voice.

A moment later she emerged through thick brush into a spacious clearing along a stream. Beside the stream Ah-Uh was rolling in the grass.

"There you are." She scolded. "I was worried about you." She approached the creature, reaching out to pet it, "Why did you wander so far?"

Abruptly Ah-Un jerked away from her hand, its eyes fixed on a point behind her. It let out a low growl.

"What is it?" Rin turned and screamed...

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Jaken had been chattering incessantly since they had begun the walk back from the village. Sesshoumaru had no idea what the toad had said. He was long since used to ignoring all the small demon said. He used the time, instead, to think.

He wondered if Rin was alright. He had never left her alone for so long a time. But she was fairly capable, for a human. And Ah-Un was with her. The creature was as loyal to Rin as a mother bear to her cub.

Quite likely Rin was just fine.

He fingered the small locket he had bought for her. He still didn't know what had possessed him to buy the trinket. But it seemed to him that it wanted to belong to her. It was made for her. It had cost him a tidy sum too. He could have taken it, but he didn't want Rin's gift to be… tainted. He had always purchased her clothing, the few times he had needed to replace them.

He imagined the look of pleasure that would be on her face when he gave her the locket, and he found himself looking forward to it.

Strange…

But then, his thoughts had been a constant tangle since that day.

The day he had kissed her.

It was the strangest thing. When he had analyzed his reaction and felt no emotion whatsoever he had been relieved, believing that he could put his doubts behind him. But it had not been as easy as that. Perhaps it was due to her strange behavior. Or perhaps it had been his own recent conflicting memories.

What he needed was a good fight; something to remind him who he truly was.

He wondered where Inuyasha was.

A run in with his younger brother always reminded him of his priorities. But Inuyasha hadn't been much for fighting since his marriage to that woman… Kagome.

He nearly cringed at the thought of that weak human further diluting their father's noble blood line. It was bad enough that Inuyasha had decided _not_ to use the jewel to become a full demon – not that it would have redeemed him in Sesshoumaru's eyes – and had instead destroyed it. Worse that he had been mated with a human. If he needed a mate he could have at least attempted to restore the family honor by finding a suitable mate of the dog demon clans.

He flexed the fingers on his now whole left arm.

It was his own arm, recovered from his father's burial place, given to him by _them_ – his brother and the girl.

As though they could ever make up for Inuyasha being what he was.

Still. It felt good to have his own arm once more, after so many years of plundering arms from others. This arm would never fade and become useless. It had mended as though it had never even been severed.

He supposed he should be grateful for that.

But gratefulness was not in his nature.

Sesshoumaru stopped mid step, sniffing the air.

It took a moment for Jaken to realize that his master was not with him. At which point he hurried back over.

"Lord Sesshoumaru?" he began.

"Something is wrong." Sesshoumaru said, surprising Jaken with his tone. It was tense, anxious. Never, in all the time Jaken had known his master had Sesshoumaru's tone ever changed. He was calm, emotionless, without expression.

Sesshoumaru scented the air once more. His pupils dilated. Another sure sign of emotion Jaken hadn't even known his lord possessed.

"Rin!" he whispered, taking off at a dead run.

Jaken was momentarily overcome with shock.

Lord Sesshoumaru did not _run_. Only in battle, to attack an opponent using his blinding speed. Never did he run in this manner.

"Wait!" Jaken finally collected his senses, "My Lord! My Lord Sesshoumaru!"

Sesshoumaru was in no mood to listen to the toad. He reached the clearing in which the house sat in a matter of moments. Glancing around he saw no sign of Rin or Ah-Un. A good sniff told him she had been gone at least an hour.

Using his delicate nose to ascertain the direction in which she had gone he took off after her, once again at a dead run.

By now he could not even hear Jaken's calls, he was so far ahead of the small demon.

_Rin _it was the most coherent thought he had right now. He had to find her. Something was wrong, very wrong.

Somewhere in the back of his mind it registered that he was quite a ways into the forest now. But that thought was buried beneath the blinding concern he felt. He did not even remember the warning he had given her, nor think to wonder why Rin had come out this far. He just knew he had to reach her.

Breaking through the thick brush he emerged into a clearing with a stream.

The first thing he saw was Ah-Un, bloody and torn, moaning and wheezing pitifully. Clearly the creature would soon draw its last breath.

A sharp cry drew his attention to the far end of the clearing. What he saw there made his heart clench.

It was Rin, battered and dirty. And approaching her was a strange demon. He realized it was of the hypnotic kind – those that could control humans, and even other demons. Clearly this was why she had disobeyed his order, for by now he had recalled that this was far outside the bounds he had set.

The demon flexed its claws, baring its teeth as it moved toward her.

Rin let out a pitiful cry, throwing up her arm over her head as if to protect it. But it would clearly do nothing against the demon's razor sharp fangs.

Sesshoumaru stood helpless, unable to move as he watched the creature swipe at Rin's cowering form. It was not until her body slumped to the floor that he sprung into action.

"RIN!!!" he let out a cry of anguish as he charged the beast. It turned and looked at him, clearly confused by his sudden appearance, and then, absolutely terrified by his rage and his power.

Sesshoumaru felt a rage he had never known building inside of him. How dare this – this – vile creature touch his Rin! What right did it have to take her from him? The demon tried to back away, but Sesshoumaru was simply too fast for it. With a single swipe of his poison claws it was over.

For a moment Sesshoumaru stood over the mangled body of the demon, panting – not from exertion, but from emotion – and staring blankly at his claws.

A small noise behind him jerked him back to reality.

"Rin." He forced himself to act normal, to be cool and unfeeling. But something was different.

As he turned to go to her and took in her appearance he nearly cried out. Dropping to his knees beside her he gathered her into his arms gently, cataloguing her wounds.

They were severe.

She hardly looked like the Rin he had left a few days before.

For the first time in his life Sesshoumaru was afraid. He was afraid she was going to die. At the moment it escaped him that he had the Tenseiga sheathed on his belt – that he could revive her in but a moment. All he knew was that she had lost too much blood - was in too much pain.

And because of that, he was in pain as well.

She stirred in his arms and he realized she was trying to speak. He leaned over her, brushing her hair from her mouth so that he could watch her lips.

"I'm… sorry…" she said weakly.

His eyes narrowed with pain, "For what?" he asked softly.

"I… disobeyed you. I wandered off." Somehow, miraculously, she sounded stronger now.

"You've nothing to apologize for." The softness in his voice startled her – it was the first time she had ever heard any emotion in his tone – and her gaze darted to his in surprise.

For long moments they simply held one another's gaze, as though they were each searching for something. Slowly Sesshoumaru's head came down and he brought his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

Rin stiffened. What was he doing? She couldn't bear another experiment. And yet… the look in his eyes, and the softness in his tone… Perhaps this was something more. Perhaps this was something real.

Still, she wasn't sure what to do.

_'The next time someone kisses you… respond.' _

There then was her answer, in his own words.

Giving in to the desire that had become such a part of her these last weeks she grasped his kimono and kissed him back.

Sesshoumaru drew her up closer to his chest as he felt her responding. He moved his lips from hers, brushing a light kiss across her cheek and then her neck before returning to her mouth. She was so warm, so sweet, and so alive… He did not even pause to wonder at her remarkable recovery. Gently he nipped at her lower lip and heard her breath catch. She placed a hand up behind his head, working her fingers into his hair.

She felt so good…

And then something in his mind seemed to click and he realized what he was doing.

Thrusting her away from himself he ran a hand over his face.

What had he been thinking?

"Weak." He accused quietly. "Fool." He stared down at his claws as though they had betrayed him by gently caressing Rin's waist and hair rather than slashing her to pieces.

What had he been thinking?

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Rin watched, confused, from the place, sprawled on the ground, where she had fallen when Sesshoumaru had pushed her away.

He seemed to be talking to himself.

Worried she reached a hand tentatively toward him. "Lord Sesshoumaru?" she asked quietly.

"Get away from me!" he snapped, causing her to draw back.

"But…"

"I said GET AWAY!" his voice was raised now, almost shouting. "Get out of my sight! I don't want to look at you." A brief pause and then a tortured whisper, "Never again."

Rin stared at him helplessly. "Lord Sesshoumaru." She whispered.

"NOW!!!" he roared, and Rin rose shakily to her feet. "GET AWAY!!!"

With his shout spurring her on Rin ran from the clearing, her heart shattering.

Never again? He never wanted to see her again?

But hadn't he just… she had hoped… but no. Clearly he did not share her feelings. She had been right, he was repulsed by the very thought of her. What had made him take her in his arms she did not know, but it didn't matter. Clearly his heart lay elsewhere... if it lay anywhere at all.

Stumbling blindly through her tears, Rin finally collapsed beside a tree. She could go no further. Her heart and her legs had given out. Hunched over her knees she buried her face in her hands and wept, the soul wrenching cries of love lost. And, as though in sympathy, the skies opened up and a steady rain began to fall, drenching her. In her misery Rin did not notice the wet seeping through her kimono, or the darkness that surrounded her. She simply poured out her heart on the forest floor.

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How long Rin wept there she did not know. But when she awoke it was daylight, and definitely not morning. The first thing she felt was the pain in her heart. It was as though she had been torn in two.

Somehow her physical wounds from the attack were gone; she had only a few scratches from stumbling blindly through the forest after… after.

She shivered, suddenly realizing she was wet and cold. She realized it must have rained at some point the previous night. She thought of her dry kimonos back at the house, but knew she could not go get them.

_'I don't want to look at you... never again!'_

She would not be welcomed there.

Bleakly she wondered where she would go now. She had no family, no friends. And Sesshoumaru had never stayed with anyone, had rarely even passed through a village or gone near other people – demon or human. In fact, the only people she could even remotely say she knew were Inuyasha and Kagome and their friends. And she was not at all certain that she would be welcome there – if she could even find them.

Still, they had given Lord Sesshoumaru back his arm, so they couldn't be all bad. And it was the only place she had to start.

Wracking her memory for the location of the village she knew they most often stayed in – or at least, the one they had most often stayed in ten years ago – she headed off in search of them.


	4. Separation

CHAPTER 4: Separation

The warm light of the campfire cast strange shadows on the grass. Soft laughter drifted through the air, carried by the breeze into the nearby forest. From the edge of the forest Rin, carefully hidden by the trees, and consciously down wind, observed the five people around the fire.

"Why are we sleeping outside tonight again?" a man in black and yellow robes asked. Miroku, Rin thought his name was, and he didn't look nearly as irritated as he was attempting to sound.

"To reminisce about our journey's together!" Kagome said brightly.

"And _why_ would we want to do that?" the monk raised a brow at her.

"Miroku!" the second woman, the demon slayer Sango, admonished affectionately.

"Because it's fun!" Kagome told him.

"And what is so fun about it?" he retorted, heedless of Sango's warning look.

Kagome shrugged, "I don't see what your problem is. We used to do it all the time!"

"We didn't used to have houses and beds fifty yards away." Another companion said. Rin focused on him for a moment. He had pointed ears, so he was definitely a full demon. Looking down she saw that he had a bushy tail and small fox feet. So then… this was Shippo? He was so much taller than the last time she had seen him. But then, it had been several years.

"Hn." Inuyasha snorted, "It's no use arguing with her." He told the others.

Kagome gave a single, firm, nod, placing her hands on her hips, "You got that right."

Inuyasha grinned and slipped behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and nuzzling her neck. "Only I get to argue with Kagome."

Kagome giggled and snuggled into his embrace, then pouted as he released her. But she soon smiled again as he sat beside the campfire and tugged her down unto his lap.

Rin felt her heart constrict at the sweet scene. If only…

Lost in her thoughts she failed to notice the change in the wind until it was too late.

Inuyasha sniffed once, his eyes narrowing, "Who's there?" he shifted slightly prodding Kagome to slip off his lap onto the ground. His clawed hands hovered over Tetsusiaga, but he did not rise.

Rin stopped breathing and it was then that she noticed the wind had shifted. She was now upwind of Inuyasha. She was surprised he hadn't realized who it was.

"I know you're there. I can smell you."

Knowing it was useless Rin stepped out of the shadows of the trees and into the flickering light of the campfire.

The small group studied her and then let out a collective gasp of recognition.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Inuyasha asked coldly.

Rin looked down at her feet. He didn't trust her. Why should he? But she had nowhere else to go. She looked up at Kagome pleadingly, knowing the woman's tender heart was her best chance.

"Please…" her voice was broken, rough from disuse, and it was so low that all but Inuyasha had to strain to hear her, "please, I've been looking for you for ten days!"

Kagome frowned and placed a restraining hand on Inuyasha's leg as he started to rise; he settled back down on the ground.

"Why?" he snapped. "Did Sesshoumaru send you?"

She shook her head, cursing the tears that sprung to her eyes at the mention of his name.

"No?" Inuyasha said skeptically. He snorted, "I find that hard to believe."

The others were silent, considering this a family matter.

"Where is he?" Inuyasha demanded. He looked around, sniffing. "Where are you Sesshoumaru?" he frowned, "I can't _smell_ him." He muttered.

"He isn't here… he's" Rin choked on a sob, her shoulders shaking as the tears refused to stop but instead slipped down her face in torrents.

Kagome, recognizing the girl's distress, jumped to her feet and went to Rin. She gently placed an arm around the girl's shoulders and guided her to the campfire. They sunk to the ground together.

"What happened Rin?" she asked, and the compassion in her voice made the tears fall harder.

"I, he," Rin struggled to compose herself enough to speak. Tears would do her little good. In broken, terse, sentences – evidence of her still bleeding heart – she poured out the story in detail, from that first kiss to that last terrible exclamation and her night in the rain. Somehow it felt good to tell them. To share the burden of her misery and to feel the warmth of another person's sympathy as they held her.

When she had finished everyone was silent. What could they say to help heal her heart? What could they do? There was nothing. It was hard enough just to wrap their minds around it.

It was Inuyasha who finally broke the silence.

"That jerk." His voice, low and tense, brought Rin's head up. "I oughta hack him to pieces!" Rin's eyes widened as he rose to his feet, hand on his sword as though ready to track down his brother right then.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome scolded, "Stop it! That's won't help." She turned to Rin, studying her compassionately. "What do _you_ want Rin."

This was her chance, an open invitation, if she could only gather her courage and say it. She looked down at the ground, her hand picking nervously at the now frayed edge of her kimono, "Can I – can I stay here?" she asked quietly, "Please?"

"Oh Rin!" Kagome hugged her tightly, eyes brimming with tears of sorrow – the poor girl! She looked at Inuyasha pleadingly and he gave a terse nod. Of course he wouldn't turn the girl away. "You can stay Rin." Kagome murmured soothingly, stroking her hair, "for as long as you need to."

* * *

When Sesshoumaru had turned from the carcass of the demon and seen Rin lying battered on the ground pain like he had never known surged through him. He knew nothing save the fact that Rin needed him – and he needed her.

With no thought to his actions he head dropped to the ground beside her, gathering her limp form in his arms. The emotion he had felt at that moment, when he thought she was dying, could only be called anguish.

And when he realized she was still alive, and seemingly growing stronger… joy warred with fear in his heart. Could she truly recover from such grave wounds? It seemed that she would.

His senses, heightened from the battle, were saturated with Rin. She smelled of blood, her own blood, but she also smelled so sweetly of something that was all her own, the scent of Rin… she was soft and warm in his arms. Her voice was like a gentle melody. She looked so remorseful as she apologized, so sweetly surprised when he told her there was nothing to forgive.

Forgive her?

For what?

Immersed in sensation he had been nearly overwhelmed with the desire to be closer to her… to taste her as well… to feel her lips against his own.

Bringing his mouth down to hers he had lost himself in her.

And he had suddenly known – this was nothing like before…

This was pure, unadulterated emotion. And her response and only urged him to go further.

And then. as though a switch had been flipped, he realized what he was doing, what he was _feeling,_ and panic had coursed through him.

Without thinking he had thrust her from himself, failing to notice her hurt and confused look.

He needed to be alone; he couldn't think when she was so near…

All he could see were images of his father's obscure grave and his brother's look of joy each time he looked at Kagome…

_Fool_

These cursed emotions were what had stolen his father's life!

Or were they?

Wasn't it those same emotions that had given his brother back his life? But those emotions had nearly been his downfall to begin with.

_Weak_

The confused thoughts that had been brewing below the surface for weeks came to the surface with such violence that he nearly drowned in their wake.

What was the answer? Were these emotions a threat or a promise? Weakness or strength?

_Humans are weak_

Human… Rin was human, and humans caused weakness… didn't they? Emotions were weaknesses. Weren't they?

He had so little experience dealing with emotions.

Torn by these conflicting thoughts Rin's voice had startled him.

_No! I need to be alone! _

Instinctively he had lashed at the creature who had caused his torment. He had not even noticed when she stumbled away. Burying his face in his hands he began to mumble, voicing his confused thoughts aloud.

What was happening to him?

Much later he had finally roused from his stupor to find himself inexplicably alone. Why was he alone?

His first response had been to look for Rin.

Not seeing her he had called her name.

Where had she gone? She never just left…

Then Jaken had come, at first a little anxious and flustered, as usual, and then nearly terrified by the haggard state of his lord Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru felt no gratitude for the toad demon's concern. Ignoring the Toad's inquiries about his well being he had demanded to know where Rin was.

But the small vassal had had no idea. And, at the moment, neither had he.

It was only now, hours later that he suddenly recalled the incident with clarity.

_I told her to go_ he frowned, recalling his harsh words, then his eyes widened _forever… I told her I never…_

No! She couldn't have honestly gone. She wouldn't, she couldn't. She was upset, but surely she would return to the house by nightfall. Surely she would come home.

Sesshoumaru raced back to the house, leaving Jaken very confused, and even more worried. Lord Sesshoumaru had run twice in one day! Something was very wrong.

Sesshoumaru waited up very late, starting at every noise, but Rin did not come.

For three days Sesshoumaru waited, hoping she would return, but she did not.

And after three days… Sesshoumaru went looking for Rin.

* * *

When Sesshoumaru had set off in search of Rin he had hardly realized the significance of his actions. But, as the shock faded, and reason again took hold of his mind he realized that something had changed. Something significant.

When had this girl, this _human_, become so important to him? Or rather, what had caused him to finally lay aside his arrogance, his pride, his mask of coldness, and act on the feelings that had always been there?

They must have been there. Why else would he have kept her with him? He not only tolerated her, he humored her, he tried to keep her happy. Why had it never occurred to him that he was putting her wants, her needs, before his own? And was that not the surest sign of commitment.

So he must now admit that he cared for the girl… deeply.

But of what nature was his care?

Demon parents _loved_ their children. At least, most species did. His own parents had certainly loved him. Of that there was no doubt in his mind.

Was this then the love of a surrogate father for his wounded child?

But then, why the kiss?

He snorted.

A father did not kiss his daughter in such a way. Not in any species or race, whether demon, human, or animal.

But that first kiss. He had felt nothing…

Or had he been so focused on his desire to prove his fears wrong that he had merely convinced himself that he had felt nothing?

One thing was certain: that day in the clearing… that had been no experiment.

Love was a weakness…

But so was lying to oneself.

Which was the greater sin?

Sesshoumaru, being a full demon, did not often sleep. And when he did it was a strange sleep, deep enough that he did not dream, light enough that he could awake at the faintest whiff of danger. Tonight, however, he was restless.

He knew that he needed to sleep. His body was weary. But for the first time in his life he could not settle his mind. Even when he did sleep he was plagued by dreams. Dreams that would force him to face the questions - and the answers – that his waking mind had refused to acknowledge.

_He was walking through a forest, alone. There was something missing. Something he felt should be there. He should not be alone. He heard a soft, melodic laugh, a giggle nearby, and he smiled reflexively. Ah yes… he was supposed to be looking for her; she was hiding._

_Testing the air, he caught her scent and quietly moved around toward it. He could see her, just behind the tree. In a single, swift motion he leapt up and grabbed her from behind. She shrieked, struggling half heartedly, but he held her firmly._

_"Do you think I would let you go so easily, Rin?" He smiled, brushing his lips across the nape of her neck, and then bringing them up to her ear. "I do not easily relinquish that which is mine." He whispered huskily._

_Rin stilled in his arms and he looked down at her in question. Why the sudden change in mood?_

_"Am I yours?" she asked quietly, as though fearful of his answer._

_He frowned, turning her in his arms so that their eyes met. He had the strangest feeling she was searching his soul, looking for something very important._

_He brushed her hair back from her face and her eyes softened at his touch._

_"You have always been mine." He said tenderly, "You always will be. I love you."_

_"Always?" she repeated._

_"Always."__ He assured her, leaning down to touch his lips to her own._

_For a moment she melted against him, and then she stiffened, pushing away violently._

_"You lie!" Though spoken quietly, the intensity of her accusation startled him, as did the fact that she drew back as he reached for her._

_"I never lie, Rin." He reminded her, his voice low with pain. Did she not trust him?_

_She hugged herself, as though for protection, her eyes wide with anguish. "You lie." She whispered, "You say forever, but you told me you never wanted to see me again! The two cannot both be true!" she looked up bravely, her eyes snapping, her voice raised, "Either way, you lie!"_

_"No…" he drew back clenching a fist, "I… I do not lie. I didn't say that."_

_Now she was the aggressor, moving toward him as he withdrew, "You held me, you _kissed_ me, and then you sent me away."_

_He was confused, and he hated that feeling. But he hated even more the feeling of anguish and despair as memory flooded back to him. He had said that. It was true._

_He shook his head, sinking to the ground against a tree, "I did not realize what I was saying. I was…" he swallowed, finding the word difficult to say, even to her, "I was afraid." He admitted._

_"You didn't mean it?" she asked, more gently now. "Didn't you?" He looked up at her, eyes sparkling with the threat of tears now, pleading with her to try to understand. She smiled softly, and knelt beside him, caressing his cheek. "What of your oath? I am a weak human, not fit to breath the same air as a demon lord, let alone share his heart." She studied him, no condemnation in her eyes, only understanding. "Isn't that true? You don't want to love me Sesshoumaru, you can't. Not as long as you continue to see human beings as inferior, and love as a weakness."_

_"You are _not_ inferior." He said fiercely, causing her to blink in surprise._

_She was quick to regain her composure, "Aren't I?" her hand, still caressing his face was making it difficult for him to think clearly, but her next words brought him back to focus. "Isn't that what you tell yourself every time you look at me and feel warmth? Is that not how you push the feelings away? The very reason you refuse to accept them as truth? You have rejected all emotion Sesshoumaru. You've put up walls that I'm afraid I cannot break. It's just too hard, too painful."_

_"You're not, but…" he stammered as she stood and turned away from him._

_She turned to look at him once more, and he froze, "Is it your lack of emotion that drives you or is it something else? Is that merely the wall, the instrument of protection you have chosen for your heart?" she smiled sadly, "Either way I cannot remain as things are. Goodbye Sesshoumaru - let me go. It will be easier for both of us."_

_"Rin!" he stood quickly, "Don't leave me!"_

_"If I stayed, you would only regret this tomorrow. We would go back to our old life, ignoring our love, and that would be too painful for us both. Better to never see one another again, then to live in such a lie." _

_And then she was gone, disappeared in the mist that had risen from nowhere at all. And Sesshoumaru was left with an aching feeling, as though a piece of himself had been removed. But this was worse than when he had lost his arm, this was a piece of his heart._

_"But I do love you." He whispered. "I need you…"_

He woke with a start, confused by the swirling despair that filled his entire being. His gaze darted over his surroundings and he realized that he was not in a forest, but a field, and there was no mist.

"A dream." He meant it as a consolation, but somehow it did not make him feel better.

Yes, a dream. But he did not dream. For something to have disturbed him this deeply… As the details of the dream returned to him he felt even less at ease. It was the most recent of a torrent of such dreams tonight. In some she stayed, in some she left, in one they had been married. But this was the first that had related so directly to the reality he was now facing. It was the only one in which his own conflict had been brought to light. And the answer his dream had provided confused him greatly.

Give up his creed, abandon his vow, allow himself to _feel_ something… and for a human no less?

Impossible.

And yet, here he was, searching for the girl – the woman… and unable to discard the feeling of emptiness that remained since she had gone.

Was it possible?

He closed his eyes, for the first time wishing his father were still alive to give him some sort of guidance.

Love had killed his father. Love for a human.

Or so he had always believed.

Was it true?

He had never known the circumstances of his father's death. Had he blamed it on the woman simply because she was the easiest person to lash out at?

If love for humans caused weakness then what of his brother? What of Tetsusaiga? The sword that only one with human blood could touch? Whose true power could only be unleashed by the desire to protect human life? That care gave great strength… in that case.

What if that which he had believed to be his father's greatest weakness had actually been his greatest strength?

As usually happened thoughts of his father led to thoughts of his brother.

He had seen Inuyasha do amazing things in the defense of that girl – Kagome – defeat powerful demons, overcome spells, and even overpower his own demon blood.

Did Inuyasha's love for Kagome make him weak?

Perhaps in some ways. But it made him stronger in battle, stronger, perhaps, in every way that truly mattered. Even in his refusal to fight Sesshoumaru again. Had Sesshoumaru not always prided himself that avoiding a worthless fight, having that level of control, was strength as well?

Perhaps the true weakness had been his refusal to admit his own feelings.

Perhaps?

He almost laughed aloud. Even now he was skirting the issue, refusing to accept the truth. And that was inexcusably weak. Perhaps he had been focusing on the wrong inner conflict. What if love and weakness were not the problem, but instead merely evidences of it. What had his dream Rin said? Lack of emotion was his chosen instrument of protection? Protection from what? He was not afraid of pain, nor was he truly afraid of loss. The truest test of strength was found in one's ability to defeat one's own inner conflicts, to face one's greatest fear and overcome it. Love, then, would seem to be his fear. But should he embrace it, or put it away from him forever? For sometimes fears were valid, and wise, a useful caution to be followed. Which was love? A threat to be eliminated from his heart? An irrational fear of that which he had never understood?

He forced himself to latch on to the thought and examine it, turning it over in his mind again and again. What was it that he feared about love?

His thoughts turned back to Inuyasha. Since he had met Kagome his entire life seemed focused on the girl.

Was it that consequence of love, rather than the emotion of love itself, that was his fear?

Sesshoumaru had based his life on control.

And it seemed love would take that control away from him. Love would become his guide, his rudder.

But was that really a bad thing?

Inuyasha was happy.

Had Sesshoumaru ever been happy?

There was always something that controlled one's life. Did not pride control his life now?

His eyes widened at the realization. Each decision he made was ruled by his pride. And now, much as he hated to admit it, he was letting fear and confusion rule his life as well. It had been those emotions that had caused him to thrust Rin from him, that had driven her away.

And those emotions were caused by his refusal to admit to his love.

By trying to control his life he had in fact done just the opposite.

That left him only two options. Embrace the love, or try to push the fear and confusion by his own strength of will – for to live with those emotions was not a possibility he would consider.

He closed his eyes, considering his dream once more.

Whichever he chose, the Rin in his dream had been correct, he could not do this half heartedly.

To look for her and take her back, only to continue as before, that was the worst kind of folly.

And so he had a decision to make.

Either he would go after her and find her, with the intention of proclaiming his feelings and taking her as his mate… or he would stop searching and try to return to the life he had had before he had met Rin.

That thought made his chest constrict in a most unpleasant way.

He could not let fear control him, he would not.

"I love her." He said decisively, rising to his feet, "And I _will _find her and make things right."

The decision had been made. He could no more live without her than without his beating heart. She would be his… always…

* * *

A/N: Okay... only one more chapter to go. Sess has made up his mind, and now you know how he felt nothing, but now suddenly does. See, he was so focused on feeling nothing that he made himself feel nothing. People do it all the time. If you're looking for something, chances are you'll find it.. and if you don't - you'll make it up! No, Rin isn't a youkai, someone was worried about that. 

I would love to do shout outs individually, but I don't know how to look at your names while writing... so... I just want you all to know that I am very grateful for your support... and Choco-coco I am very sorry... I was very tired and stressed when I wrote my last note... about 30 seconds after I finished I remembered, but I'd already had to relaod twice so I didn't want to do it again...

Please review!


	5. True Emotion

**CHAPTER 5: True Emotion**

Rin sighed and stretched before reaching out to lift another kimono from the laundry pile and hanging it over the line.

She had been here more than a month now, and over the weeks life had settled into a familiar routine. But not comfortable, never that, and not happy. How could she find happiness when she felt as though her heart were torn in two? The scars of her love for Lord Sesshoumaru would not be so easily forgotten.

She was not even certain they were scars, for many times they felt fresh as a newly opened wound.

"Lord Sesshoumaru…" she whispered his name, clutching a wet garment to her chest. A moment later the uncomfortable dampness seeping through her kimono reminded her that she was in the middle of chores, and she resumed her task.

"Rin!" Rin looked up as Kagome stepped out of the nearby house and gave a small wave, "When you're finished do you want to help Shippo and I make some sweets? It's Sango's birthday!"

Rin smiled and nodded with an enthusiasm she couldn't quite bring herself to feel. Kagome accepted this and walked back inside, humming happily.

They were such good, kind, caring people. Even Inuyasha, though he was still a little rough around the edges at times. She wanted to be happy for their sake. They had been so generous, taking her in, caring for her physical needs… and her emotional ones. She had lost count of the times she had awoken at night, crying, and Kagome had come to hold her. She had never told Rin is would be alright, because they both knew it wouldn't be. Not ever. But she had been there.

In their own ways each member of this odd family had helped her through this time. The wound might not yet be scarred, but thanks to them at least it was no longer raw…

A change in the wind brought her out of her thoughts, bringing with it a strange feeling that she had experienced on and off all day.

Was someone watching her?

She shrugged the eerie feeling away. Probably Kilala practicing her stalking.

She forced her mind away from the feeling and back to the laundry. But then the feeling washed over her once more, even stronger.

She froze. Someone was behind her. Right behind her. If the feeling in her spine had not told her, the shadow that suddenly fell beyond hers would have.

Without thinking she shrieked.

"Rin!!!" a half dozen figures came running to her aid; Kagome and Shippo from inside the house, Kagome somewhat flour dusted, Sango and Kilala from the forest where they had obviously been training, Miroku still dripping as he had been meditating beneath a small waterfall, and Inuyasha just seemed to appear out of nowhere.

They all stopped, frozen, when they saw who was behind Rin. Noticing their stunned faces she gathered her courage and slowly turned, only to draw in a painful gasp.

_Lord Sesshoumaru _

Her heart was pounding too fast, too hard, she could hardly breath.

The wound in her heart was bleeding anew and it was all she could do not to drop to her knees in anguish at the overwhelming pain. Why had he come here? How had he found her?

"Rin…" his voice was hoarse, raw with pain. But why would he be in pain? The look in his eyes, the brief moment she dared to meet them, only confused her further. There was something written in those swirling depths that she could not understand.

As if his low voice had broken the spell the others moved closer.

"What are you doing here Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha asked harshly.

Sesshoumaru did not look away from Rin, though she had averted her eyes from his. "I came to see Rin." His voice, though quiet, carried above the stillness.

Inuyasha snorted, "Why? Haven't you hurt her enough already? You are the lowest, most vile,"

"Inuyasha." Rin wasn't sure how long the list would have gone on if his wife's gentle command had not stopped him. He certainly had enough grievances against his older brother to make quite a lengthy one.

Inuyasha looked to Kagome in question, and then at the others, they each shook their head in turn.

"Look at him." Miroku said quietly.

Inuyasha turned his gaze to his brother and eyed him through narrowed gaze. Then his eyes snapped wide. Were those… tears in Sesshoumaru's eyes?

Inuyasha blinked, stepping closer.

Impossible.

Tears were evidence of the emotions his elder brother loathed. A weakness only humans and filthy half breeds would ever fall prey to.

And yet, there were clearly tears in the demon prince's eye, and he was making no effort to hide them, or suppress them.

Drawing an unsteady breath Sesshoumaru turned his gaze to meet his brother's. "I need to speak with her." His eyes were clear now, but Inuyasha sensed that it was not due to any shame or anger at his earlier show of emotion. Rather, it appeared to be the result of some other kind of resolve.

Despite his brother's apparent sincerity, Inuyasha's first instinct was to deny the request – for a request it had been. But Kagome's gentle hand on his arm caused him to reconsider. He dropped his gaze to Rin.

"You'll have to ask her about that." Inuyasha said coldly.

Sesshoumaru nodded, "Rin," he ducked slightly to try to catch her eye, but this only caused her to retreat further, so he gave up and settled for looking at the top of her head. His arms moved slightly, as though he wanted to touch her, but he refrained. "May I speak with you, alone?"

Rin paused uncertainly, and then gave a hesitant nod.

Sesshoumaru's shoulders slumped slightly in relief and he looked back up at Inuyasha pleadingly, "Could you all" he began.

"No." Rin's soft voice drew their attention, "Not here." And then she began to walk. Confused, but grateful for her agreement to see him at all, Sesshoumaru followed her into the forest. Many minutes later she stopped beneath a large tree and turned to face him. She brought her head up and met his gaze unflinchingly.

"Why are you here?" she was not angry.

Sesshoumaru was somewhat surprised at her calm, considering her reaction to his presence in the clearing, and rightly assumed that she had spent this long walk gathering her courage and resolve.

"I needed to find you. This was the only place I could think of that I had not yet searched." He explained.

"No." she shook her head, "Why?"

He gave a half smile and reached to brush her cheek, but she withdrew. He lowered his hand with a sigh. He should have known that was asking too much, even for her forgiving spirit.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, forcing himself to maintain eye contact despite his shame.

"Sorry?" she echoed.

He nodded, "Rin, I need to apologize for the way I've treated you. And not just that day by the stream. I need to apologize for the last ten years of your life."

She looked so sweetly confused that he almost reached for her again, but restrained himself just in time.

"I have a confession to make," he was grateful she was not responding much, it would give him the chance to get it all out. "I was afraid."

She shook her head., denying it. Sesshoumaru? Afraid? It was impossible.

"Yes," he said firmly, "that day by the stream with the demon, but even before that. I was afraid of what you did to me. You trusted me, wanted to be near me, and you made me want to protect you and made me want to have you near. And that frightened me. But I refused to admit it. I was too foolish to admit it, even to myself." He closed his eyes for a moment, struggling against anger at himself.

"That day at the stream I was so afraid that you were going to die. It was that fear that brought my truest emotions to the surface and caused me to take you in my arms. It forced my love for you to the surface," he was so focused on getting the whole story out that he failed to notice how wide her eyes became when he said he loved her, "but that frightened me even more, and not just because you were human. It was because I was afraid of losing control. Or being changed by that emotion."

He peered deeply into her eyes searchingly, knowing full well that she was doing the same, and that his soul lay open before her. He could only hope she would recognize his sincerity.

"It was out of fear that I lashed out at you. By the time I realized what I had said you were gone… and I couldn't find you."

Her eyes softened at the despair in his voice and she almost reached for him, but she knew he needed to get it all out.

"I'm sorry," encouraged by her reaction he reached for her, and this time she did not back away. Lightly clasping her upper arms he drew her close enough to rest his forehead against hers, "Can you forgive me?" he whispered.

"There is nothing to forgive." She said softly, bringing a small hand to his cheek. "But yes, I forgive you Sesshoumaru."

His eyes widened, she had called him by his name alone, and it was a sweet sound.

He closed his eyes once more, gathering his courage. This was the hardest thing he would ever have to do, so much harder than the apology. But it was what he had set out to do so many weeks ago. Some may have thought he was moving too quickly, considering what they had been through the last two months, but he could not be at peace until the matter was settled.

"Rin," he raised his head, grasping her chin and tilting it up so that her eyes met his, "I love you."

Her breath caught at the admission, and her knees nearly gave out. Quickly he wrapped his other arm about her waist, holding her to him.

"I need to know if you love me also."

Breathing unsteadily Rin nodded weakly. "Yes." She whispered.

"Then, will you agree to become my mate?"

The way he said it, it sounded so practical, but the look in his eyes told her that he meant it with all of his heart. He wanted her to be his mate.

And, even after all the pain and confusion of the last two months, she could not think of denying him.

"Yes."

His eyes softened and he gave a small smile, one that she would always remember, before he brought his mouth down to hers in a breath taking kiss.

This kiss was so much sweeter than the one in the clearing, if not quite as desperately passionate. And it brought something to mind.

She pulled back and almost laughed at his disapproving frown. He leaned down toward her again and she shook her head.

"Wait." She begged softly, "there's something I was wondering about."

Reluctantly he pulled his head up, gazing down at her with impatience.

She smiled, to reassure him that she would not reconsider, "It's just, that day… with the demon… I was so certain that I was going to die… and it seemed you were too, but… I didn't." she looked up at him, "Why didn't I die?"

Sesshoumaru's brow furrowed. That was something he had not considered, so wrapped up in his inner conflict that it had been unimportant. She was alive, what did the reason matter?

"I don't know."

She looked faintly surprised. It had always seemed to her that he knew everything.

"You don't know?"

He reached up to caress her cheek, and shook his head, "No. I don't. Nor do I care." He smiled at her shock, "You are alive," he said tenderly, "that is all that matters to me."

Rin considered this and then nodded.

Sesshoumaru's eyes searched hers to be certain that her unease had been laid to rest. When he was satisfied he brought his lips back down to hers, caressing her tenderly.

As their lips met Tenseiga began to glow softly, resonating with joy. For the legendary swords Tetsusaiga and Tenseiga were alive, endowed with a will of their own, and they could feel as any man. For this reason Tenseiga had saved Sesshoumaru from Tetsusaiga during the fateful battle where Inuyasha had learned the windscar. Though its master had rejected it, it cared for him, as the son of its true owner. And today, Tenseiga was happy. For it had accomplished the very purpose for its being. It had brought life back to the lifeless. First that day in the clearing when the life of the girl, who's very presence was the life blood of his master no matter what he thought, had hung in the balance. Then on a starless night in a field when Sesshoumaru had made his decision. And now, when two hearts found their homes within one another.

Oblivious to all of this, Sesshoumaru drew Rin closer to him until their heartbeats seemed to meld into one. A wave of pure joy washed over him and he made no effort to push it away. He tangled a hand in her hair, deepening the kiss and enjoying the way she leaned into him. She gasped softly as he moved his lips up her neck to her ear and back, enjoying the sensation his low growl created in the pit of her stomach.

He inhaled deeply, he had missed her scent, and struggled not to lose control. Bringing his lips back to hers he parted them slightly and nipped gently at her with his fangs, imagining what it would be like to explore the depths of her mouth, but knowing he could not do it without losing control. For demons that was fine, once mated they would be bonded for life, but humans had other sensibilities. He would have to find someone to marry them quickly.

Fortunately Inuyasha's monk friend… Miroku was it… was nearby. Rin would not need much preparation, so perhaps by nightfall…

The thought made him smile and he kissed her once more before burying his face in her hair.

By tonight she would be his… forever.

* * *

A/N: Wow! That may have bossted this to PG... bad thoughts Sessy! But.. I think not... anywho, in case you missed it, I did explain how Rin lived. Tenseiga acted on its own to save her, just like it did when Inuyasha mastered the windscar... And... there was something else I was gonna tell you all... oh well. Oh! I don't think I'll be writing more SR fiction... sorry to those of you who really liked this. Though, you never know, when inspiration hits I write... so maybe... someday. But, I must say, for my first fiction based entirely on a relationship, I think it went pretty well. Let me know what you think. Please send a parting review! Farewell!


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